I was laid off one month ago, so I have had the luxury of the thing called "spare time". Now that I have finally gotten over being sick, caught up on my sleep and my reading, cleaned the house and took care of my important errands (whew!) things in my brain have finally started to SLOW DOWN.
I've been reading about the yoga paths, Buddhism and women's magic. I went to a service at my old church and said the Lord's prayer. I started meditating. I "sat with my grief," contemplated Maya and called upon Gaia. I started going for walks again, each lap a meditation, each step a mantra. I picked up my guitar yesterday for the first time in awhile; I took it to the park and played my heart and emotion out into the universe on it, tears like boulders rolling down my face. I have begun trying to learn whatever precious lessons life must be holding for me after such a year. I know they are there. They have begun peeking at me around corners in my mind and unlocking hidden doors for me. I am getting glimpses of truth through the darkness.
Mom is here with me through all of this. She helped me flush out a good idea yesterday while I walked. It doesn't matter if it was illusion of attachment or her ghost or an angel or that I know what she would say because I was lucky enough to talk to her a LOT. The Thing That Matters persists because I can still feel what it is to love someone that much and have them love me back. I still feel her love, and when I call her she seems to be there. Souls or not, love is eternal.
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