My mom lives with my husband and me. Two weeks ago she became bedridden and was put on hospice care. It has been a confusing and emotional time for all of us. For the sake of my sanity and to somehow make sense of all the thoughts in my head, I am going to try and write about my experience as a caretaker and all the thoughts and feelings that come into play. My main goal is to be honest and open about what our day to day life is like. Needing to share these daily moments feels a little selfish, but I hope in the process to honor my mom and all of the people who support her; our family, friends and hospice care team.
Now for some preliminary information.
How We got Here/ The Catch 22:
1. Mom was having treatment for cancer.
2. Treatment made her weak and she fell and broke her hip.
3. Her health is too bad to have the surgery to fix her hip.
4. Without surgery, she can't be transferred to continue treatment.
5. Without treatment, the cancer is terminal.
6. Now she's in hospice care.
All I have left to say today is that I am really sad. Mom mom's situation totally sucks, and it breaks my heart. I have been doing pretty well until today. For some reason I just can't stop crying, so I decided to write. My mind is full of "what if's" and "if only," and I absolutely know there is no good in it. Writing helps me to process all the noise in my head, and I do seem to be feeling better.
I love my mom, and I know this time is a gift.
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