In my last post, I wrote about time. I was feeling disappointed because I was expecting a large amount of time off from work, and it didn't happen. If you happen to read that earlier post and it sounds whiney, it probably is.
The beautiful thing about disappointment is how you handle it in the aftermath. I decided, so as not to let my brain explode, that would start immediately to take back my time. Writing about it helped a lot. As I wrote, I remembered that time is an illusion anyways. Then I realized I could create more time in my life if I wanted too. I don't mean by bending the perception of the universe (although that is fun to try too), but dammit- how much time do I spend watching TV again? Jeezuz!
I had this list of stuff I wanted to do when I got my vacation, but why couldn't I make time to do a lot of that stuff now? The next day I started going to the gym again. I went every day for a week until they were closed on Sunday. Monday, Furly went into the hospital for three days. After that he quit drinking, and therefore, I cut way back myself. You forget how much energy and time is wasted just consuming sometimes. I was ready for creating, not consuming. After a week of dealing with doctors and stuff, I got right back on the horse and worked out every day again this week.
So, I have conquered the first thing (Oh and I started writing, right?) I spend less time sitting and watching the tube than before. I need to start tackling some of the other things on the list too. I want to take a yoga class. I want to record my next album. I want to book more shows and take care of the house and see my friends and all of that. I can't blame not doing those things on having to go to work.
The silver lining here is plain: If I hadn't thought so long what I could do with extra time, I would not be so motivated to make some. If I hadn't expected a big change in my life, I wouldn't have known that I wanted one. And so, "up from the ashes grow the roses of success"!
Monday, December 1, 2014
Thursday, October 16, 2014
How To Laugh to Keep From Crying or "Why Buddhists don't make 5 Year Plans"
I have had a lesson in detachment and living in the present this week. Some would call it "an opportunity for personal growth." Others would call it suffering a severe disappointment. Perspective is everything, and today I must change mine if I want to quit this silly crying. I'm acting like a child.
You see, I feel like I lost something, but I didn't really. Truth be told, it was never mine in the first place. Nobody owed it to me. I did not deserve it. It wasn't even going to happen for six weeks and three days (but who was counting, right?)
I was getting a pink slip. (Not literally, but you know what I mean.) I have worked for the same company now for over 12 years. I know I don't deserve a gold watch or pension or anything for 12 years, but still I feel it's sort of impressive these days. There are older goats than I there with more seniority too. We were all getting let go. Sounds terrible, huh? Unless you throw in a severance that allows for vacation time before the job hunt begins. Then it sounds okay. Add in the nearly sure opportunity for re-hire when the company was back up and running, and it plain starts sounding like a pretty sweet break with the potential for long term change; especially if you had been working hard and steady for a lot of years doing the same thing.
You know, it's hard not to think about the future. We are supposed to, right? I mean, living in the moment is great, but somebody needs to know what day of the month the next bill is due, right? Didn't someone tell you to make a five year plan? I never have, but I know I was told to.
We were informed of the possible sale of our building nearly six months ago. At first we were just told it was possible. A few months later it was more possible. Then it was likely. Probable. Most assuredly. Wouldn't even make sense this late in the game if it didn't happen, so finally it must!
It was only about three weeks ago I got into the idea of being jobless. Heeding advice from my family and bosses, I decided not to worry too much about my financial future. Everyone said "You should have some time off. You deserve it." I was IN. I could line up another job right away and have extra money, but I was really was in it for the time. I would postpose a job hunt.
Instead I started looking up dance and yoga classes at the activity center, planned to record my next album, and imagined a short tour around Texas and then maybe to California to see by big brother and his family. I miss them. Gardening, cooking breakfast for my mom every day, working on my house, writing- I had PLANS. It was going to happen...
...and then it didn't.
At the last possible minute, the big developer walked away from the deal. Others rejoiced that the watering hole would stay, but I was crushed. What about my extra time?
It's the same as the losers on terrible reality game shows that cry because they don't win the prize. They feel like they lost something because they already have made big plans for all that fame and money, but it was never theirs to lose. I usually poke fun at those people, but I made plans too.
Not only did I make the plans, I got attached to them. I know there are lots of positive things about not losing my job (duh), and about the business carrying on as usual, but my heart doesn't feel it today. I fell for an illusion I created for myself, believing we could know the future and depend on it for happiness. Any half decent Buddhist could see the problem there. Again, duh.
Breathe in... JOY. Breathe out... PEACE. You are alive right now. (Lucky you!) This moment counts and no other. It can be fun to make plans IF you remember the great illusion of time and don't take anything too seriously. Which means, the "thing" I lost- that extra time? It doesn't even exist.
Hilarious.
You see, I feel like I lost something, but I didn't really. Truth be told, it was never mine in the first place. Nobody owed it to me. I did not deserve it. It wasn't even going to happen for six weeks and three days (but who was counting, right?)
I was getting a pink slip. (Not literally, but you know what I mean.) I have worked for the same company now for over 12 years. I know I don't deserve a gold watch or pension or anything for 12 years, but still I feel it's sort of impressive these days. There are older goats than I there with more seniority too. We were all getting let go. Sounds terrible, huh? Unless you throw in a severance that allows for vacation time before the job hunt begins. Then it sounds okay. Add in the nearly sure opportunity for re-hire when the company was back up and running, and it plain starts sounding like a pretty sweet break with the potential for long term change; especially if you had been working hard and steady for a lot of years doing the same thing.
You know, it's hard not to think about the future. We are supposed to, right? I mean, living in the moment is great, but somebody needs to know what day of the month the next bill is due, right? Didn't someone tell you to make a five year plan? I never have, but I know I was told to.
We were informed of the possible sale of our building nearly six months ago. At first we were just told it was possible. A few months later it was more possible. Then it was likely. Probable. Most assuredly. Wouldn't even make sense this late in the game if it didn't happen, so finally it must!
It was only about three weeks ago I got into the idea of being jobless. Heeding advice from my family and bosses, I decided not to worry too much about my financial future. Everyone said "You should have some time off. You deserve it." I was IN. I could line up another job right away and have extra money, but I was really was in it for the time. I would postpose a job hunt.
Instead I started looking up dance and yoga classes at the activity center, planned to record my next album, and imagined a short tour around Texas and then maybe to California to see by big brother and his family. I miss them. Gardening, cooking breakfast for my mom every day, working on my house, writing- I had PLANS. It was going to happen...
...and then it didn't.
At the last possible minute, the big developer walked away from the deal. Others rejoiced that the watering hole would stay, but I was crushed. What about my extra time?
It's the same as the losers on terrible reality game shows that cry because they don't win the prize. They feel like they lost something because they already have made big plans for all that fame and money, but it was never theirs to lose. I usually poke fun at those people, but I made plans too.
Not only did I make the plans, I got attached to them. I know there are lots of positive things about not losing my job (duh), and about the business carrying on as usual, but my heart doesn't feel it today. I fell for an illusion I created for myself, believing we could know the future and depend on it for happiness. Any half decent Buddhist could see the problem there. Again, duh.
Breathe in... JOY. Breathe out... PEACE. You are alive right now. (Lucky you!) This moment counts and no other. It can be fun to make plans IF you remember the great illusion of time and don't take anything too seriously. Which means, the "thing" I lost- that extra time? It doesn't even exist.
Hilarious.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Two Years Ago, Today
Two years ago, today, I quit smoking cigarettes. I have saved over $5000 dollars. I have had at least a dozen dreams of smoking. I have learned to hate the smell of them.
Two years ago, today, I was more scared than I've ever been- until they hooked up the morphine. Four months later, I would be almost as scared on Christmas Eve, driving my dad to the hospital while he suffered a heart attack. September came a second time, and then it was my mom's turn to face death/fight for her life; lung cancer and chemo. I am now used to being scared.
Two years ago, today, I was on a morphine drip, and we watched "Wife Swap," and one wife was a vegan and learning to eat the sun.
I watched a lot of TV the next few weeks on pain killers. It was weird TV too; "Twin Peaks," "Slingblade," "Hoarders" and every episode of Looney Tunes ever made. I have a notebook with pages of drawings I did of the little circles that frame Porky Pig when he says "That, th-th-that, th-th-that's all, folks!"
I also read most of two books with almost no recollection of them , except that one of them was a very evil true story called "Under the Banner of Heaven" about a certain group of the worst type of religious fanatics. I came out of a hydrocodone fog and refused to finish reading it.
My life was saved, two years ago, today. I did not deserve it, and most assuredly could not afford it. A very good doctor gave me a good deal. The hospital worked with me. My family and friends and co-workers came together and raised an incredible amount of money. Several people brought meals. My husband didn't even have to cook for us.
I am so grateful for all of the people I have known in this life. I take care to love the time I have with my friends and family, and my dear best friend/husband. I have lost many of them, as we all have, and nearly lost both of my parents pretty recently.
Every moment is precious. Two years ago, today, I began to remember it.
LOVE NOW
Two years ago, today, I was more scared than I've ever been- until they hooked up the morphine. Four months later, I would be almost as scared on Christmas Eve, driving my dad to the hospital while he suffered a heart attack. September came a second time, and then it was my mom's turn to face death/fight for her life; lung cancer and chemo. I am now used to being scared.
Two years ago, today, I was on a morphine drip, and we watched "Wife Swap," and one wife was a vegan and learning to eat the sun.
I watched a lot of TV the next few weeks on pain killers. It was weird TV too; "Twin Peaks," "Slingblade," "Hoarders" and every episode of Looney Tunes ever made. I have a notebook with pages of drawings I did of the little circles that frame Porky Pig when he says "That, th-th-that, th-th-that's all, folks!"
I also read most of two books with almost no recollection of them , except that one of them was a very evil true story called "Under the Banner of Heaven" about a certain group of the worst type of religious fanatics. I came out of a hydrocodone fog and refused to finish reading it.
My life was saved, two years ago, today. I did not deserve it, and most assuredly could not afford it. A very good doctor gave me a good deal. The hospital worked with me. My family and friends and co-workers came together and raised an incredible amount of money. Several people brought meals. My husband didn't even have to cook for us.
I am so grateful for all of the people I have known in this life. I take care to love the time I have with my friends and family, and my dear best friend/husband. I have lost many of them, as we all have, and nearly lost both of my parents pretty recently.
Every moment is precious. Two years ago, today, I began to remember it.
LOVE NOW
Sunday, May 4, 2014
A Meal to Remember: The Root Cellar Cafe
My husband and I went out for our anniversary recently, and had a meal that made me absolutely giddy at the Root Cellar Café in downtown San Marcos, TX. This place is awesome for so many reasons, besides that they are locally owned and operated.
http://www.rootcellarcafe.com/
First of all, they have their own microbrewery. They usually have three brews at a time, and all of them good. You can also buy a growler from them and take home some of their beer, which means we started with a flight (sampler) of beers while we perused the menu. This way we could decide what to take home with us and also what to eat with our meal!
Secondly, whoever they have cooking in the kitchen these days is nailing it. Everything we had was seasoned and cooked perfectly, from our starter (seared tuna with sweet chili and wasabi sauce) to our entrees. Furly ordered off the seasonal menu, choosing the "local lamb lollipops," which were served au jus with carrots, parsnips and mashed potatoes. I thoroughly enjoyed the garlic crusted rib eye with mashed rosemary red potatoes and tempura asparagus "fries". The sides were every bit as lovely as the meat on our plates, which brings me to the next thing that makes the Root Cellar great:
They really care about the food. Everything is always impeccably fresh. The seasonal menu and items listed as "local" reflect a conscious effort to bring whole, real food to their customers. Even the coffee is excellent.
As we ate our entrees, Furly watched a table of four behind me order and destroy, first one bread pudding, then a second. We took this as our cue and got a to-go box, ensuring we could fit some of that warm gooey dessert in our bellies. As you might expect, it was amazing. Beginning to end, this meal was a triumph.
One more thing: the service was excellent, and our to-go box was biodegradable instead of Styrofoam.
So, now that I've experienced lunch and dinner at this fabulous foodie's haven, who wants to join me for brunch? Mimosas, anyone?
http://www.rootcellarcafe.com/
First of all, they have their own microbrewery. They usually have three brews at a time, and all of them good. You can also buy a growler from them and take home some of their beer, which means we started with a flight (sampler) of beers while we perused the menu. This way we could decide what to take home with us and also what to eat with our meal!
Secondly, whoever they have cooking in the kitchen these days is nailing it. Everything we had was seasoned and cooked perfectly, from our starter (seared tuna with sweet chili and wasabi sauce) to our entrees. Furly ordered off the seasonal menu, choosing the "local lamb lollipops," which were served au jus with carrots, parsnips and mashed potatoes. I thoroughly enjoyed the garlic crusted rib eye with mashed rosemary red potatoes and tempura asparagus "fries". The sides were every bit as lovely as the meat on our plates, which brings me to the next thing that makes the Root Cellar great:
They really care about the food. Everything is always impeccably fresh. The seasonal menu and items listed as "local" reflect a conscious effort to bring whole, real food to their customers. Even the coffee is excellent.
As we ate our entrees, Furly watched a table of four behind me order and destroy, first one bread pudding, then a second. We took this as our cue and got a to-go box, ensuring we could fit some of that warm gooey dessert in our bellies. As you might expect, it was amazing. Beginning to end, this meal was a triumph.
One more thing: the service was excellent, and our to-go box was biodegradable instead of Styrofoam.
So, now that I've experienced lunch and dinner at this fabulous foodie's haven, who wants to join me for brunch? Mimosas, anyone?
Friday, April 25, 2014
My Very First Blog! An Introduction.
Hello internet! Here is a little about me and why I decided to start blogging:
1. I have always liked to write, but don't do it as much as I used to. Time to put all that college learning to work and brush up on my skills.
2. I love my hometown, my neighborhood, my home and family. We live the good life here- a life inspired- and I'd like to share that inspiration with people. I don't expect to change the world with one little blog, but it can't hurt, right?
3. I have strong opinions. As a critical thinker, listener, taster and consumer, I'll have lots of reviews to share. I'll TRY to keep things positive, but no promises.
4. Surprises! Like I say, this is my first true blog, and I haven't done much writing lately. I am hoping to find reasons for writing along the way that I didn't expect. I imagine that this blog, as well as my writing self, will take a bit to settle into it's true form. That's okay with me- I enjoy a winding road.
So, here's to trying new things, starting conversations and sharing inspirations!
1. I have always liked to write, but don't do it as much as I used to. Time to put all that college learning to work and brush up on my skills.
2. I love my hometown, my neighborhood, my home and family. We live the good life here- a life inspired- and I'd like to share that inspiration with people. I don't expect to change the world with one little blog, but it can't hurt, right?
3. I have strong opinions. As a critical thinker, listener, taster and consumer, I'll have lots of reviews to share. I'll TRY to keep things positive, but no promises.
4. Surprises! Like I say, this is my first true blog, and I haven't done much writing lately. I am hoping to find reasons for writing along the way that I didn't expect. I imagine that this blog, as well as my writing self, will take a bit to settle into it's true form. That's okay with me- I enjoy a winding road.
So, here's to trying new things, starting conversations and sharing inspirations!
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