Two years ago, today, I quit smoking cigarettes. I have saved over $5000 dollars. I have had at least a dozen dreams of smoking. I have learned to hate the smell of them.
Two years ago, today, I was more scared than I've ever been- until they hooked up the morphine. Four months later, I would be almost as scared on Christmas Eve, driving my dad to the hospital while he suffered a heart attack. September came a second time, and then it was my mom's turn to face death/fight for her life; lung cancer and chemo. I am now used to being scared.
Two years ago, today, I was on a morphine drip, and we watched "Wife Swap," and one wife was a vegan and learning to eat the sun.
I watched a lot of TV the next few weeks on pain killers. It was weird TV too; "Twin Peaks," "Slingblade," "Hoarders" and every episode of Looney Tunes ever made. I have a notebook with pages of drawings I did of the little circles that frame Porky Pig when he says "That, th-th-that, th-th-that's all, folks!"
I also read most of two books with almost no recollection of them , except that one of them was a very evil true story called "Under the Banner of Heaven" about a certain group of the worst type of religious fanatics. I came out of a hydrocodone fog and refused to finish reading it.
My life was saved, two years ago, today. I did not deserve it, and most assuredly could not afford it. A very good doctor gave me a good deal. The hospital worked with me. My family and friends and co-workers came together and raised an incredible amount of money. Several people brought meals. My husband didn't even have to cook for us.
I am so grateful for all of the people I have known in this life. I take care to love the time I have with my friends and family, and my dear best friend/husband. I have lost many of them, as we all have, and nearly lost both of my parents pretty recently.
Every moment is precious. Two years ago, today, I began to remember it.
LOVE NOW
